I will not be afraid any longer... I just realized tonight, what a hold fear of being widowed meant to me... I was widowed at the age of 34... with three kids. He died in our backyard, after working all day and keeping the kids. He died unexpectedly... It created a fear in me. I made a lot of mistakes learning how to be a single mom, and getting on with my life. I made millions of mistakes. Tonight, a friend told me on the phone, that she got a new car today... I was elated and when I got off the phone, I yelled to the bear aka my husband, that "Shelley got a new car today!" No response. Then, I read an article in the paper, and I yelled out another thought... no response. Suddenly, it hit me that he didn't answer me twice now, and I lunged from my bed, to find he wasn't even in the next room--- he was in the front toiletry, locked away! This fear has sat in my heart, and I have said many times, I could not, will not be widowed again (like I have some control over it!). I can not live my life like this.
I will not be afraid. God got me through this situation once, and he will do it again, if the time comes! I will not be afraid and quit letting my heart jump in fear when my husband doesn't answer!
Father, I give you this fear... please diminish it and take care of me. Remove all fears. In your hands I rest this. Amen!
Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid:
for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation.
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